


Oregano; a tale of forbidden love

by MxThmxNn



Category: Promare (2019)
Genre: Established Gueira/Meis (Promare), Gen, Joke Fic, M/M, Oregano - Freeform, Out of Character, crackship, inside joke, meis/remi, not actually a ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24123394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxThmxNn/pseuds/MxThmxNn
Summary: Remi, the Lieutenant of the Freeze Force. He was always so cool and calm, so what would this standoffish man be doing with such a shady history? And what is he doing with Meis of the Mad Burnish?
Relationships: Gueira/Meis (Promare), Lio Fotia/Galo Thymos, Meis/Remi Puguna
Kudos: 6





	1. ahahahaah

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has absolutely nothing with Promare canon/fanon it's just a dumb inside joke between me and my friend Saf lmao, thank him for this

“Lio, have you heard that rumor,” Galo asked, walking towards his partner. The early morning sun reflecting on his face.

Lio turned his head to face Galo, pulling his blonde bangs away from his face. “No. What rumor, Galo?” He said indifferently. 

“It’s about someone we work with,” Galo whispered. “I-I don’t know how to feel about this. I mean do we really want to have someone on the team doing something  _ that  _ shady, Lio?” Galo whispered with absolute earnest.

“Galo, love, I have no clue what you’re talking about,” Lio replied taking a sip from the piping hot black coffee in his hand. “Just cut to the chase, please.”

Galo gulped hesitantly as he pulled on the collar of his shirt (of course it was always just a little too tight-fitting). “It’s Remi. Oh, God if this ever gets out to Ignis the Freeze Force is toast!” He exclaimed, flinging his arm out in an exaggerated manner. Lio gave him an irritated look, telling him to continue his rant. “Someone,” Galo stuttered. “Someone at the Pizza place said something about their kids getting a bag of oregano from a guy claiming it was drugs.”

Lio stared up at the taller man absolutely dumbfounded, “Seriously, what does this have to do with Remi?”

“Well, said shady guy was said to have a mint green bowl cut and glasses. There’s only one guy in all of Promepolis with that hair and Glasses, it  _ has _ to be Remi. Lio, he’s a danger to the city. Hon, what do you think that’ll do to our jobs!” Galo continued. 

Lio’s eye twitched in utter annoyance as he stood and pulled the red jacket over his shoulders. “Why do I love you, Galo Thymos?” He said to himself. Lio walked towards Galo and pressed his hand against his chest. “We should get going, we don’t wanna be late.”

“You’re right.”

…

The car ride to the building was always a very pleasant drive. The building wasn’t too far away but the daily city traffic made it just long enough for Lio and Galo to have their moments together. 

“Galo,” Lio said, eyes locked onto the road.

“Yeah,” Galo replied, shifting in the passenger’s seat to face Lio. “What is it?”

“Y’know what you said about the whole Remi situation. The more I think about it, and as stupid as it sounds, I might have a lead on the situation.”

“Really,” Galo replied in shock, eyes widening.

“Yeah, you know Meis, yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Well he’s a little bit of a junkie off duty. Normally I wouldn’t care for it because he’d never show to work inebriated or anything, and I know he still does that kinda stuff to quell his need to burn- Shit! Man, some of these people can’t drive.” A particularly slow driver had cut them off. 

‘Anyways, I went over to check on him and Guiera and their house smelled weirdly like an Italian restaurant. Like  _ oregano. _ ”

“Is that not weird for them?” Galo asked with utter intrigue. He leaned closer to Lio, over the console and looked at nothing in particular. “I wouldn’t know, I was always a little afraid of them.”

Lio chuckled as he turned, it would only be a couple kilometers until they arrived. “You were scared of Meis and Gueira? They’re just a cranky married couple who called me boss. But no, it would be kinda weird since neither of them cared for pizza. So it would be really weird that their house smelled of oregano, but I doubt Meis is that dumb.”

“Should we investigate?” Galo inquired. “I’m sorry Lio but You can’t just give me this hot information and not let me look into it. I am the world’s best firefighter afterall.”   
  


“You have detective and firefighter confused, Galo.”

“I can be whatever I want.”

Lio smiled to himself, a private smile, just for him. “Sure, of course. We can go investigating this Saturday”

“Really?” Galo’s eyes brightened as a determined grin worked its way onto his face. “Like a date? We can be spies like in the movies!”

“They make movies like that?” Lio inquired, his previous sheltered life as a Burnish never permitted him luxuries like seeing movies very often. 

“Yeah,” Galo said.

Lio pulled into the building’s parking garage, and though a full week was ahead of them, there was a lot more to be done. 


	2. idiot spies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason a part of this chapter got deleted before i published it, but it's there now hh

The fated Saturday date had been on both of their minds and it had finally arrived. All week both Lio and Galo had collected incriminating evidence from their coworkers and were ready to reconvene early that Saturday morning. Coincidentally, it was Remi’s day off and Meis’ grocery day.

“You got everything?” Galo asked.

“Let’s see,” Lio rumaged around in his bag. “Camera, notepad, cellphone, umbrella, sunglasses, money,” He listed. “Is there anything else we need?”

Galo thought for a second then clicked his tongue. His eyes lit up with promise, “Disguises, Lio, we need disguises. Like in those movies- that you never watched. I need to go take you to one of those.”

“Galo! That’s a perfect idea. There is no way we could go sleuthing around when you look like,  _ that. _ ” Lio replied, eyeing Galo’s unique silhouette. 

“Hell yeah I won’t. I’m the best damn firefighter ever, I can’t have fans on my tail doing important detective work,” Galo said proudly, flexing a little for Lio (and for himself). 

Lio let out an insane laugh but easily resolved himself with determination. “Let’s get to work.”

The heat of the moment produced some of the lousiest costumes known to man, but the duo was determined they’d work. Galo dressed in loose attire with a failed attempt at slicking his blue spikes down to his head. Instead of the sleek look he’d imagined for a life of espionage, several cowlicks formed down the trail of wet hair. Lio, was obviously no better with his bob tied back to expose his undercut tucked under a hat. His outfit was bright and flashy exercise attire and he had on a fake black moustache. Both Galo and Lio finished their looks off with oversized sunglasses.

…

The duo walked to the nearby market under the cover of Lio’s umbrella. It was a particularly sunny day so the extra shade was nice. They walked towards the nearest outdoor market where Meis would purchase groceries. 

“Hey, this place is kinda nice,” Galo boasted, putting on a terrible accent.

“Yeah, it sure is,” Lio replied robotically. He looked up from his shades into Galo’s eyes with a stern look. “Shut up, we’re trying to blend in, _not_ draw attraction to us. Especially if we see Meis or Remi, they’d blow our cover.” He whispered covertly.

“How would they know it’s me, Lio? I’m putting an accent on?” Galo responded with genuine confusion.

“You idiot, that’s the same dumb accent you use when you do the Kray impression when you’re drunk. Both Meis and Remi would recognize you.” Lio turned his eyes to the path in front of him and scanned the area for any familiar faces. 

“I do a Kray impression when I’m drunk?” Lio suddenly pulled the hem of Galo’s sweater.

“Look,” He said. “It’s Meis.” 

Meis had his hair tied back in a loose bun and he wore a jacket around his elbows, keeping his shoulders exposed. The target was walking around holding a cloth bag filled with produce in one hand and miscellaneous ones in the other, presumably carrying them to his bike parked in the street over. But he seemed to be walking the opposite way from the open side of the street. 

The disguised duo tried their best to discreetly follow the man to his destination. They awkwardly maneuvered through the busy Saturday market, holding hands. It was a struggle to try and keep eyes on Meis but it was extremely difficult as Galo was easily roped in by salesmen. 

“But Lio- I mean _Leo_ , look at the square apples! I bet they taste so good!” Galo whined.

“Sir, they’re yours for 30 yen a piece,” The salesman said with a devilish grin. He knew that Galo would never be able to resist an offer like that. 

“I’ll take ten!” Galo announced brashly. Lio would’ve stopped him but he was too weak to not see Galo’s utter delight with a simple purchase of genetically modified fruits. Lio had his eyes locked onto the alley in which he last saw Meis. His foot tapped impatiently against the concrete. 

When Galo finished paying, Lio pulled his arm as they ran through the crowd, his umbrella now collapsed and in the front pocket of his bag. Galo kept the delicate acrylic crate gently under his arm as they broke their way through the crowd. 

The two arrived to an emptier section of the market feeding into a strip of restaurants. And that’s when they spotted Meis once again. He was crouched against a metal fence with his groceries by his feet. Seemingly _waiting for someone_.

“Oh God, Galo you could be right,” Lio said, ducking behind the nearest trashcan. Galo was crouched just behind him. “Look he’s waiting for someone.”

“Yeah, the dealer, the drug, no, _oregano_ dealer.”

The shorter man put his attention into looking for the camera that he kept in his bag. He’d use his phone but a real camera would be better for hard evidence. When he got it set up, Galo gave him a hard nudge. 

“Lio,” He whispered pointing towards the fence. _It was Remi._ The two men that they’d hoped weren’t speaking with each other, were speaking with each other. Their conversation was inaudible but Lio decided to take pictures. 

Remi stood next to Meis, his mint green hair tucked into a hood. He adjusted his glasses. Click. He makes some light small talk and reaches into his pocket. Zoom. Click. He pulls out a bag of dried leaves, it looked absolutely nothing like actual weed, but somehow Meis bought into it. Click. Click. Click. Lio took tens, if not hundreds of incriminating photos detailing the incident. 

“I can’t believe my eyes,” Galo said with pure disappointment. “But I guess our work is done Lio,” he stammered. 

“No, wait, stay,” Lio returned his hands to the camera and focused back in on the suspects, nay, criminals.

“I’m sorry, Remi, I don’t have money this time. But I need the high, please understand,” Meis apologized, looking up into the reflection of the other’s glasses.

“Meis, I don’t want your money. I don’t need it. I just need you to keep our thing a secret.” Remi adjusted his glasses and walked straight into Meis’ space. “I know, it’s extremely difficult, but nobody will understand what we have.”

“Holy fuck, Lio. You getting this?” Galo gasped, clapping both hands over his mouth. His breathing quickened and Lio could feel his heart rate increase with Galo pressed against his back.

Meis muttered something indistinct.

“Oh, Galo, there’s no way I’m not getting all of this” Lio whispered coolly. 

The black-haired man stepped into Remi’s arms as he tiptoed into a sweet kiss. Remi Held his arms around Meis. Lio continued capturing pictures, rapid fire at this point.

“What the fuck? Oh my God! Gueira is not gonna be happy with this,” Lio said, almost a little too loud. Loud enough for Remi to suspect someone was there. He broke the kiss and went to look around to see if anybody was there. 

“Go, go, go,” Galo said in a hushed tone. He picked Lio up from the floor and carried him as the duo ran from the alleyway, shoving the crate of apples into his open bag. Lio reviewed the pictures he took in Galo’s arms as they left the gates of the market.


	3. the finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bitter, bitter, oregano flavored end

Galo and Lio sat together on the couch in their apartment, watching the time tick by achingly slow. The sun had begun to set and the next phase of their investigation was underway. Lio shifted around, resting his legs upon Galo’s lap.

“I texted Meis and Gueira separately, Gueira is coming first,” Lio said absentmindedly, reviewing his texts.

“Remi should be here in about thirty-five,” Galo replied, leaning over Lio’s slender legs. He let out a breath and put his head in his hands. “ Can you even believe what we just saw today? Like seriously, Meis and Remi?”

“Believe me, I thought you were absolutely joking. Meis would literally never hang around any type of law enforcement like that,” Lio responded, equally in disbelief. He pulled his legs back towards his body and sat properly, watching Galo’s face as the amber sunlight followed its contours. “I’ll go heat some dinner.”

“No you’re not.”

“What?”

“Lio, the last time you attempted to cook, you nearly burned the apartment complex down. I thought we agreed that you aren’t an arsonist anymore,” Galo scolded, pulling Lio back down onto the couch.

“Galo, reheating isn’t cooking and that was one time. I can cook instant mac and cheese, like the adult I am.” Lio’s hair puffed out in anger.

“I said no,” Galo repeated. The taller took hold of Lio and pulled him into his lap. Lio attempted to squirm away but he was no match for Galo’s grip. 

“Let go of me!” the former Mad Burnish exclaimed. “Ack- No! Galo, I’m hungry.”

“But you have this whole snack right here.” Galo nuzzled his face into the crook of Lio’s neck, trying as hard as possible to not laugh. Lio relaxed a little and Galo began to press kisses against his jawline, taking in his cologne. 

...

The doorbell rang. It was Gueira. Galo quickly scrambled off top of Lio to answer the door. He opened it to see the esteemed guest in question. He looked worried and the flaming bits of red hair peeked out from under a black bucket hat.

“Hi, Galo. Is boss home?” He asked, trying not to make things awkward. 

Galo chuckled as he stepped away from the doorframe to let the visitor in. “He’s home.”

“Great,” he said, removing his shoes and leaving them by the door. He walked in to see Lio on the couch, rubbing at a spot on his neck. “Hey, boss, what did you call me in for?”

Lio looked suspiciously side to side before looking back up at Gueira. “It’s Meis.”

“What about him?”

“He’s been cheating on you. And,” Lio paused. “He’s being cheated. I know how this looks, come, sit down.” Lio patted at a spot on the black leather cushion for Gueira to sit. 

“Cheating, cheated? Boss, I’m not catching your drift in the slightest,” Gueira questioned, removing his hat and rubbing at his temples.

“Shh, I have proof. But first, let us explain. I think Galo tells it best,” The blonde-haired man said in a serious tone. 

Galo walked over to the couch and allowed himself a seat before cracking his knuckles and taking in a deep breath. “There’s been this rumor going around the office that Remi, you know him. Green hair, bowl cut, and thick glasses, strict attitude, yeah, him. He was rumored to be selling dried oregano under the guise it was weed to kids around the city. Lio here, had an additional tip that your buddy Meis has been falsely buying that oregano.”

“I know it’s difficult to process, but you have to trust us. Also, how the hell did you not know Meis was buying oregano?” Lio inquired.

Gueira looked in shock. He wasn’t fully computing this shocking revelation, he turned to face his former boss and stared him straight in the soul. “There’s no way, boss. No way, he couldn’t be cheating on me. He just happens to go out and party a lot, but I trust him, I’ve trusted him for all these years.”

“But you still can’t tell the scent of burnt oregano from, y’know?” Galo motioned to his lips, imitating smoking. 

“I just assumed, you all got him hooked on that Pizza place. Boss, I still refuse to believe he’s been seeing other people, especially Remi. He can’t stand him.” Gueira lamented.

“Oh, it gets worse,” Lio added. He reached over to get his camera from the bag on the floor. He fired it up and handed it over to the distraught man next to him. Gueira hesitantly accepted.

He spent the next few minutes thumbing through the photos. The meeting, the bag of very clearly not drugs, and the kiss, the goddamned  _ kiss. _ Gueira’s face was cemented into a silent scream, pure fear and disappointment overcame his eyes. He couldn’t look away.

And then the doorbell rang, again.

Galo went to open the door once again to see Remi _ and Meis. _ Shit.

“Good evening, Galo, I ran into um, Meis in the hallway. I assume he’s here for Lio,” Remi stated, pointing at the limber person behind him. 

Galo craned his head out the door to see Meis leaning against the wall, appearing like he had somewhere else to be. “Yeah, come in,” he said awkwardly.

Remi stepped in to see Gueira and Lio sitting on the couch together. “Hello,” he nodded, avoiding further interaction. The pair on the couch barely acknowledged him, a simple “hello” from Lio and a glare from the other was enough. He was perplexed as to why he needed to be in Galo’s apartment if he was there having his time wasted. 

“Boss?” Meis called.

Lio and Galo quickly looked to each other in panic as they slowly watched Gueira’s reaction to Meis’ entry. 

“You! You bastard!”

“Darling?” Meis’ eyes were opened as wide as they could go in utter shock, he was definitely not anticipating to see Gueira here.

“Don’t you ‘darling’ me, Meis. I know what you did.” Gueira was engulfed with anger. “I know literally everything! The cheating, the lying,  _ the fucking oregano. _ ”

Meis backed off into a corner, “I have no clue what you’re talking about. You know I wouldn’t do anything like that to you!” His arms crossed over his chest defensively. His inky hair blending with the shadows.

Remi adjusted his glasses. “If I have to interrupt your lover’s quarrel, why do  _ I _ have to be here. I have absolutely nothing to do with this ridiculousness-”

“Cut the shit Remi!” Galo interrupted. “Everyone knows that you’re selling dried oregano from the Pizza place as weed to kids. Everyone.” Galo snatched the camera from Gueira’s lap and raises it to the sky as if it were his Matoi. “We have all the proof right here!”

Remi stormed over and took the device from his hands and looked at the first few shots. “All right, Thymos, you caught me. That is oregano, but you have no proof I’m selling to kids, and arguably you two are worse for stalking me.”

Gueira gasped loudly and Meis attempted to swallow the knot in his throat. 

“You followed us?” Meis shouted. “That’s a new low boss. And you,” He walked closer to Remi. “You were selling me  _ oregano _ . I believed you! I really did,” The blue-haired man cried. 

“Are you that stupid?” Remi asked, acting nearly disgusted with Meis. “Oregano has no hallucinogenic effects at all. How were you getting high?”

“It was a placebo?” Meis exclaimed once again. His eyes were watery and his voice broke. “But that street kid from the market said you had the best of the best stuff. He said all of his friends were high of their asses from the shit you sold them.”

Remi looked extremely disappointed in Meis, “You believed a kid off the street, those kids have no clue what high even means!”

“Caught you!” Galo exclaimed, jumping up from his spot on the couch next to Lio. “If you weren’t selling to kids, how’d you know the ones Meis over here is talking about? Exactly.” He boasted.

Lio sighed, his attention was still on comforting Gueira, “Galo, calm down-”

“This still has nothing to do with you two’s relationship issues,” Remi interrupted. “I take no part in home-wrecking, especially for people I don’t necessarily care for; therefore, I don’t need to be here. It just so happened that Meis was actually stupid enough to fall for my little trick a couple times.”

“A couple times? Remi, you’ve literally been my dealer for 3 months. And Gueira, I’d literally never cheat on you, our tattoos match, our armor, everything I made sure was perfectly in sync with you. I love you,” Meis attempted to elaborate. It was obvious he was holding back any further emotions.

“The camera doesn’t lie now does it?  _ Darling _ ,” Gueira hissed. 

“What does this even have to do with me?” Remi said, his lies almost undetectable.

“Scroll a few more,” Lio said sternly.

The screen from the camera reflected within his glasses until he came upon the images from his kiss earlier on. “That’s clearly not me!”

“Don’t pretend Like it’s not!”

“You used me! And for what?”

“You have been caught!”

The argument became heated and the volume was deafening. Lio could no longer take it. “Shut up!” He shouted from the top of his lungs. “Please, enough, I’m tired of all your bullshitting. Both Meis and Remi are at fault here, and to think all of you are shouting at this late hour, in our apartment. Over what? Over oregano. Now get the hell out.”

“That’s the boss for you,” Meis grumbled as he picked his shoes up and left, with Gueira and Remi following suit.

….

And that’s the stupid end.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel super bad for whoever reads this and isn't the one other person in on the joke. I pity y'all


End file.
